EXPLORE All The Shades of Grey

Meredith (voiceover): There’s this thing about being a surgeon. Maybe it’s pride or maybe it’s just about being tough. But a true surgeon never admits they need help unless absolutely necessary. Surgeons don’t need to ask for help because they’re tougher than that. Surgeons are cowboys. Rough around the edges. Hardcore. At least, that’s what they want you to think.

Cristina: Ok, what are your other symptoms?

Meredith: Ok...there’s the father thing. The mother thing. The sister thing...mm...the dying and coming back to life thing.

Cristina: You have too many things.

Meredith: I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep without the dreaming.

Cristina: And the panic attacks

Meredith: One, one panic attack. What’s wrong with me?

Cristina: As far as a I can tell...severe abandonment issues.

Meredith: That’s crap. Psych is crap. Issues.

Cristina: It’s in the book. The book said it not me. Have you consider maybe you and Derek should stop having break-up sex? Ok…

Meredith: The more available he gets...the more I pull away.

Cristina: What do you mean?

Meredith: Nothing. It’s a Derek thing.

Cristina: No, you know what, you are flirting with cardio. I am married to cardio. You will marry….general surgery. Or you know, ok, perhaps neuro. But you, you are nowhere near hardcore enough to commit to cardio.

Izzie: So you are telling me to…stop flirting with your husband. Haha, I get it. That’s cute. But if you’re going to ask me a favor…insulting my personal life is probably not a great tactic.

Cristina: No, no, wait I am not talking about your sex life. I could not care less about your sex life. It’s a skydiver. Izzie. A skydiver.

Izzie: Oh yeah, sounds real cool. Enjoy.

Meredith: I drowned. I was sinking. I died. And you know what I realized? I realized how stupid all of my issues are.

Cristina: I’m waiting for how this applied to me.

Meredith: It doesn’t.

Cristina: Of course not.

Meredith: Well that man fell, and all he wanted was one last chance to tell sally how he felt about her. And I GOT one last chance. I got my chance. And what have I done with it?

Cristina: You know, being aware of your crap and actually overcoming you crap are two very different things.

Meredith: I know.

Meredith: Remember when I was dead? Before I went in that water everything was so … complicated. Hard. and then you pulled me out of the water …and I came back to life. for a moment everything was so clear. As if the water had washed everything clean. Do you remember that?

Derek : I do.

Meredith : Me too.

Meredith : There’s a clarity thing when you cross over the edge. there’s a moment when everything just melts away and you’re fearless.

Meredith : It goes away. The feeling. That feeling that you have right now… today… that feeling like you can do anything. That clarity… It goes away. And you go right back to being the coward who can’t tell the person you love how you feel.

Lexie: Hey, what are you doing tonight?

Alex: As in...

Lexie: What are you doing...tonight.

Alex: Look, uh, I’m not a nice guy. I don’t date. I don’t call the next day. I’m not looking for a relationship cause I’m never good at ´em. And honestly I’m kinda hung up on somebody else. So...the only thing you’re ever going to get from me is sex...that’s it. And that’s never usually enough for girls like you.

Meredith : I can’t stop Cristina. I just can’t stop seeing Derek. And it’s not about the sex. Its not...about the sex. It’s about that moment afterward…when the world stops. It just feels so safe…So safe. I’m not ready to give that up. Does that make me sad and weak and pathetic?

Cristina : Mh...a little.

Meredith : What do I do…?

Cristina: I don't know.

Izzie: This is absurd.

George: Hey...

Izzie: You shouldn't be sleeping in the On-Call room.

Meredith (voiceover): Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn't just about being tough - it's about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don't have to be tough every minute of every day. It's okay to let down your guard. In fact, there are moments when it's the best thing you can possibly do - as long as you choose your moments wisely.