Absurd. A
flood. In a hospital. Those absurd, desperate writers. I know
that’s what some of you are thinking. But here’s the thing… Back
in June, when we were just gathering together to begin early
discussions of season five, my sister Jennifer came over for dinner.
Jenn is a shrink. I’m sure she has a more official title than that, but
I go with shrink cause she’s my sister and she lets me. She works in a
psychiatric hospital in the San Fernando Valley and her patients are
mostly low functioning schizophrenics. So she came over for dinner and
I said “How was your day?” and she said, “You mean aside from the
hospital flooding?” And I looked at her like, seriously? And she said,
“Yeah, we had to move all the patients to one wing. All the
schizophrenic patients, piled on top of each other in one small wing of
the hospital. That was my day.” And I said, without skipping a beat,
“And that is my episode. Just so you know.” So as absurd as it
may seem? Real. And in real life it was even weirder cause all the
patients were CRAZY PEOPLE. Awesome.
I think it’s appropriate that Jenn inspired this episode because in a
way, this episode is written as a love letter to therapy. What it
all comes down to for me is what Dr. Wyatt says to Meredith in the
elevator, “And happiness in the face of horrible is not the goal.
Feeling the horrible stuff and knowing that you’re not gonna die from
the feelings? That’s goal.” Nothing better than a good shrink. I love
therapy and I love what’s it done for Meredith in the short amount of
time she’s gone (and I’m bummed she quit before she could get to the
really good stuff.) It’s hard – to peel away the layers of the onion
that is you and look at all that juice cause it burns your eyes and
makes you cry and makes you hurt and makes you feel…but it also makes
you better. (Oh my God, talk about a tortured metaphor. Sorry.
I’m tired. We’re in the room breaking episode 12.)
Point is, I’m proud of Meredith that she got as far as she did. And I
love that last scene where she stands up to Derek. She doesn’t get
drunk. She doesn’t freak out. She doesn’t walk away. She doesn’t ignore
him. She doesn’t leave him. She just stands there and tells him her
truth. And that is so so so hard and so so so scary for her (as it is
for a lot of us.) And what I love most is the look of shock on her face
when it works. It’s so hard to change. For everyone I know,
change and growth are deeply difficult tasks. And so it
makes me happy for Meredith and Derek that they are taking baby steps
toward happiness and function.
When we were shooting that scene, Ellen expressed concern to me about
her question to Derek at the end. “You still love me?” She was
concerned that it sent a message to the girls and women who watch our
show that a man’s love is the thing that matters most. (But she
didn’t say the girls and women who watch our show. She said “the future
Coco’s of the world.” Cause Coco’s my daughter, and Ellen’s no dummy,
she knows how to get a writer to listen!) But my feeling is this: I was
not trying to say that a man’s love is what matters most. I was trying
to say that the ability to know and trust that you (and by you I mean,
me, Meredith, all of us) are lovable. To be willing to
stand in your truth, stand in your vulnerability, stand in your fear,
stand at your breaking point and hold on to yourself – that’s what
matters. And that’s what surprises Meredith. She’s shocked that
she’s allowed to be herself and someone loves her anyway. Those
of us who grew up in the sometimes loving but sometimes terrifying and
sometimes cataclysmic way that Meredith grew up? We sometimes need to
learn, and need to be reminded, more than once, that we are lovable
just as we are. Ellen got on board – and I thought she delivered
the moment beautifully.
Tell you what else I love in this episode: Alex. On the porch. When he
says “Hello” to Izzie. I tell you, that Justin Chambers can do any
freaking thing you throw at him. There was some discussion when the
script came out of whether or not we should change that “Hello” to “Hi”
which sounds more like Alex. But Justin? He pulled it off so
beautifully. He made it sound like Alex and then some. The
vulnerability under that one word... The subtlety… I just thought it
was exquisite work.
Speaking of psychology, which I wasn’t just now, I was speaking of
Justin but I’ve learned that when you say “speaking of” something,
people usually go with you. It’s lazy, but I’m tired so… Speaking of
psychology, how ‘bout Cristina? (I’ve never sat around with my sister
Jenn and diagnosed the characters on this show the way I’ve sat around
with her diagnosing every member of my own family, but I bet that would
be a fascinating conversation.) Cause we know there’s
actually a good and caring person somewhere inside Cristina. I mean,
she cares enough about Meredith to storm Wyatt’s office, right? And
Wyatt gets right away how vulnerable she is. How scared she is. (Even
if she can’t admit it) But still – she totally stole Izzie’s apartment!
And she didn’t even mean to! Izzie thinks she’s being evicted,
and Cristina somehow convinces herself that Izzie pulled that flyer off
the wall for her! I love it. We’re currently breaking episode 12
of season 5 and I’ve been here since episode 1 of season 1 – and I
never get tired of writing these characters. And you know why? It’s
cause so many of them so badly need a good shrink!
Derek, who’s generally a pretty great guy and who just promised Mer
he’d take baby steps, assumes her roommates are moving out. Just
assumes it – without even a discussion. I mean, seriously, entitled
much???
Alex, who clearly still has feelings for Izzie, is as mean as he can be
to her until the very end – when maybe he’s thinking his luck’s gonna
turn. And even then, all he can say is hello.
Mark Sloan, a double board certified ENT and plastic surgeon who
normally doesn’t give the time of day to an intern, stops to listen to
Lexie’s diagnosis. Which either makes him a better teacher than we
thought or a guy who simply, physically cannot walk away when a pretty
girl is talking (I’m still not sure which.)
George is about to have some kind of actual breakdown in anticipation
of his test (and it makes me giggle that the proctor finds him “a nice
quiet room up in psych.”)
Lexie is codependent to an almost pathological degree – turning down
Sloan’s surgery so she can help George with the Chief’s scut.
Izzie who is generally the happiest person we know, has ended up
somehow all alone.
Callie and Erica seem to be discovering some real truths about
themselves pretty late in life.
And the Chief? The Chief is basically watching while the hospital
crumbles around him because his fear and pride won’t let him
acknowledge that the hospital is crumbling around him!
And Bailey – her lack of power is TORTURING HER. I love
that little moment when she goes to the gallery to get a quiet moment
and you can see her giving herself a tiny little talking to… I imagine
her saying, “Do not quit! Do not tell the Chief to go screw himself! Do
not say out loud ANY of what you’re thinking, Miranda Bailey!” And then
of course the ceiling caves in giving her the ultimate
vindication. I love these characters. I love the messiness and
the layers and the fact that they absolutely refuse to behave or to
“get all whole and healed,” as Meredith would say. I think
if I wasn’t a writer, I’d be a shrink. Jenn and I could open a practice
together and then sit around every night and laugh about how crazy
everyone is. That would be fun.
I have to add before I go how much I loved the guest stars in this
episode. The actor Jim Ortlieb who played Jack O’Brien (get it? Jack O
Brien. J.O.B. Job. Biblical. Whatever.) was so funny and subtle and
heartbreaking and that lovely actress Samantha Quan who played Shelley…
I watched them shoot that scene plus I’ve seen this episode 3 or 4
times now plus I wrote it and I still cry every time she breaks down at
the unfairness of getting terminal cancer in your 20’s. And
Daniel Travanti who played Mr. Patmore? His breakdown? Kills me every
time. I did not expect that performance. I did not script that he would
cry. I pictured something totally different. And then I got the dailies
of that scene and it just wrecked me with it’s awesomeness. I
love good actors. Yay, good actors!
I am rambling. I get that. I’m tired, like I said. But I hope you
liked this episode and I hope more than that that you had a lovely
summer. Because life is weird and hard and scary sometimes. People are
diagnosed with terminal cancer in their twenties and people get
debilitating pain for reasons no one can diagnose and hospitals flood
and ceilings collapse and lives fall apart, sometimes out of
nowhere… So I hope very much that you are all enjoying the
quieter moments, the moments in between the breaking points. I hope you
kiss your kids a lot and tell your spouses and parents that you love
them a lot and buy yourself flowers a lot for no good reason. I hope
you love your life. And if for some reason you don’t or can’t – I
hope you find a really good shrink like my sister Jenn or Dr. Wyatt.
Cause therapy rocks.
End of love letter.
