I will
admit it. I have what you would call a doctor fetish, a sort of hero
worship if you will. I trust them implicitly and wholeheartedly, if
they say I need antibiotics, I do not question their judgment. When
they tell me to pee in a cup, I dutifully hold it all day so that I can
produce a sufficient amount and not disappoint them. When my husband
berated me for not telling my beloved internist about a certain issue I
was having, I said, “But what if he thinks it’s gross? And then doesn’t
like me anymore?” You see, I lurve doctors. Because they are smarties
who save lives. And I like to pretend they have all the answers to
explain every possible anomaly of the human body, that they learned all
these answers in a very popular med school course called “THE ANSWERS!”
Sadly, this is not the case. There is no such course. And so they
graduate and become doctors without having all the answers. They learn
how to use good judgment to get close to the answers…and then they
guess. And sometimes they’re right. And sometimes they’re wrong. And
sometimes it’s too close to call, which brings me to…
Meredith’s judgment as a
doctor. Man, was it tested thoroughly tonight. When adorable
serial killer Eric Stolz makes his argument, that this dying kid needs
organs, that he is a match for said dying kid, and that he is about to
be lethal injection toast in a mere five days, Meredith sort of…
agrees. As much as she doesn’t want to agree with a serial killer, as
much as Derek makes a very good argument that the guy’s trying to screw
the system and it’s not their job as surgeons to help him do it…she
still agrees. Because a kid is dying. Because Bailey, unflappable
Bailey, is out of ideas and seems utterly broken by that. Because
perfectly good organs are going to waste. So she betrays Derek and the
oath she took to do no harm, and she does harm. She does harm for what
she tells herself, is the greater good - and she helps a patient try to
kill himself. Which is why I love Mer in this episode – agree with her
or not, she makes a bold, consequences be damned, choice in the end.
She just can’t help doing what she thinks is right even if it seems so,
so wrong. Even if it comes back to bite her in the ass HARD in the next
episode – and by the way, I can’t wait ‘til you all see what happens,
because it is truly awesome. She does this because, like Carolyn
Shepherd points out to Derek at the end, she doesn’t just see things in
black and white, she sees the grey.
Carolyn Shepherd has arrived.
Nothing was more fun on set than to
watch Tyne Daly become Derek’s mom. Because she did BECOME Derek’s mom.
She was tough and no-nonsense and I don’t blame Mer for being scared
out of her mind. I’d wear an absurdly high ponytail too if Carolyn came
sniffing around me, checking me out, making sure I was good enough for
her son. But as steely as the former military nurse that raised a bunch
of little Shepherd babies seems, she’s got a soft underbelly. She
immediately recognizes Owen’s pain, even though he’s a fully
functioning kick ass trauma surgeon, he’s not okay. He’s not over what
he went through in the desert. And she sees that. She sees that Mark
Sloan’s finally picked a good girl – even if Lexie lives in an attic
like a sorority girl and still drinks from a juice box. And best of
all, she sees through the ponytail and the frozen robot smile and the
crazy and realizes that Mer’s the one for her son. Personally, I think
Carolyn spends a lot of time thinking about how Derek’s father’s death
has affected Derek. I think she feels it’s hardened him, made him a man
who can’t be swayed from his convictions, sometimes to his detriment.
Sometimes at the expense of his humanity. And I think she sees the
exact opposite qualities in Meredith. Mer doesn’t see the same line
separating right and wrong that Derek does. In fact, I don’t know if
she even sees a line at all. Probably more of a blurry smudge. And I
think Carolyn feels Derek needs a little of that in his life, needs a
little grey (ew, I know, sorry, couldn’t resist). And by the way, that
scene at the end when she gives Derek the ring off her finger, and
tells him Mer’s the one?? I love the way they played that scene. I
didn’t script the tears or Tyne resting her head on Patrick’s
shoulder…they just came to that naturally and it kills me every time I
see it. Because every son has his issues with his mother, and Derek’s
no exception, but at the end of the day, these two are in a really good
place – they have a pretty healthy relationship and you hardly ever see
that on TV. Speaking of which, I’m going to call my Mom right now…
Okay, now onto relationships that
aren’t so normal. Izzie’s been enjoying herself lately, living it up,
she’s got two boys on the hook, granted one’s dead, but she’s trying
really hard not to let that bother her. But suddenly there’s all this
real life drama going on around her – Derek’s Mom is coming and Mer’s
freaking out, Cristina’s getting asked on first dates, and suddenly
Izzie’s finds herself living vicariously through her friends, and can’t
help but notice how her own life isn’t measuring up. Sure, she’s got
two boyfriends, double the doting, double the kissing, but I think this
is the first time Izzie’s actually comparing them to each other. And it
pretty much boils down to this - one is clumsily and sweetly asking her
to road trip to Iowa to meet his mother – and one is invisible to the
rest of the world. And no matter how much Izzie loves Denny, how
grateful she is to have him “back”, she has to admit, in the end,
there’s no future with Denny. And there is one with Alex. And it kills
her to do it, but she takes action, she chooses Alex. And I’m really
proud of her for that. I love the break-up scene, because Denny may not
be real, may not even be alive, but in that scene, he still gets
dumped, he still gets the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech from Izzie.
Which, and I may be in the minority here, was a little funny to me. In
a sad/funny way. Because you can see on his face in that moment he sort
of can’t believe she dumped him. CAUSE HE’S DEAD. But she did.
Even dead guys get dumped. Now the next move’s up to him…
Cristina and Owen are really having a
rocky time of it, aren’t they? Boy meets Girl, Boy kisses Girl, Boy
goes off to War and comes back all effed up, Forgets who Girl is,
Remembers Girl, Asks Girl on Date then shows up Wasted. Now
Cristina’s still not talking to Mer, still blames Mer for not having
her back in the whole interns gone wild debacle, but if things were
normal between them, these ladies would have A LOT to talk about. Like
the fact that Owen asked Cristina on a date and then showed up drunk.
(But, if you noticed, still brought beautiful flowers - even
intoxicated, Owen’s still the consummate gentleman) And the fact that
he then proceeded to get in her shower FULLY CLOTHED and tell her about
his best surgery ever – which was pretty much a tragic horror story.
It’s becoming pretty clear that this guy has been deeply broken by his
Iraq experience, and I think Cristina’s finally realizing the extent of
the breakage. But it’s not gonna scare her away. Because it takes a lot
to scare Cristina Yang. And because she feels drawn to Owen, despite
the warning signs of trouble ahead, despite him wearing shoes in her
shower, and when she gets in the water with him at the end, we see
something on Cristina Yang’s face that we hardly ever see – the
complete absence of judgment. Total acceptance of Owen, battle scars
and all. Because we all know that when it comes down to it, when it
counts, Cristina’s anything but a robot. For me, that was probably the
most important scene in the script to get right. And Jeannot, our
amazing, adorable French director with his adorable French accent,
nailed it. (to be perfectly honest, he could have shot his own toes for
42 minutes and I probably would’ve loved that too – seriously, he’s
that adorably French) Kevin and Sandra nailed it too. And even though
Kevin had to stand in a freezing cold shower for about three hours in
an Armani suit, he did not complain ONCE. That guy is game.
Anyway, back to the white coats.
I suppose you could argue that
they’re just human, just like the rest of us. They don’t rely on
super-powers, they rely on years of training and educated guesses. But
I will not stop obsessively loving/stalking them and here is why. The
thing that blows my mind is that they have to trust their own judgment,
every day, make snap decisions and go with it – and when a life is on
the line – that takes guts. When was the last time you ordered a
latte and didn’t immediately wonder if you maybe wanted a cappuccino
instead? For me, it was this morning and if people’s lives depended on
me making timely, confident decisions and not looking back… well,
they’d be dead as doornails. So I’m gonna go ahead and say that while
they may not be gods, they may not be flying around in capes, the
people in the white coats are still pretty damn special. And yes, maybe
just a little more special than the rest of us.
